The Never-Ending tug-of-war

I have just finished watching the movie ‘Tamasha’. It is the tenth time I have watched it and I am still in awe of this movie. Now I will question my existence as a software developer in Aricent, an information technology (IT) firm in Gurugram. I have been questioning my career choice since graduation. The questioning was not as prominent earlier but then life happened. With time, you learn and evolve but I was not evolving. And this hit me hard. Sitting for nine hours looking at my “machine” ( slang used by IT professionals for computer), churning out codes, testing the code, running to computer lab, fixing hardware, listening to songs, deciding lunch time on Skype for business (an online chat platform). Two years have passed like this. There is an unbridled war going on between my heart and mind.

“What is your problem, you need to show some courage,” says my heart. The time has come, I must take a decision. A decision I dreaded to take earlier. Is it going to work? Angry, frustrated. I open Outlook and stare at it for half an hour.

“It is a bad decision, you will regret it. Why are you so impatient?” says my mind. This conflict has made me an insomniac. I want to or I don’t want to? The war that has been going on for a long time.

“Take a call. It is your life; don’t panic.”

“What will society think about it?”

“Society is no one to control your life.”

“But it is the place in which you live, the people you know. It has shaped you, what about your parents? Stop beleaguering them. They have high hopes from you.”

“Be determined. Don’t leave it as you did earlier.”

“It will be tough. You are going to drop it. I know you.”

To end this war between my heart and my brain, I have to take a decision. And I have. I write 100 words in two hours. I am scared. The laptop screen is staring at me. I am a click away.

“Click the send button on your screen.”

“Think about it again. Take your time. Talk to some people.”

I listen to my heart and click the send button. I am going to pursue my  dreams. I have just RESIGNED.

PS: If you haven't seen Tamasha movie, you should watch it.

My machine

Tamasha movie poster  Picture Courtesy: Bollywoodlife.com